Diego Enrique Flores, Nostrand (photograph)
From Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells
Many personal cleansings, particularly
baths, may be performed for oneself. Choose
cleansing assistants wisely. You can’t really
sweep yourself. Obtain as many kinds
of citrus fruits as possible. Keep proportions
equal. Eggs are believed to be extremely
absorbent. Take an egg outside, far
from home, and smash it on the ground.
Coconuts also work, but don’t forget—
coconuts are much harder. Stronger action
needs to be taken. In theory, one should use
fertilized eggs so that the possibility
of blood exists. If you can, have someone else
perform the egg-rubbing and parsley-slapping
parts. Undress completely. This is particularly
refreshing if Florida Water is kept chilled
in the refrigerator. Get into bed and burn
for the next twenty-four hours. Soak
a photograph in salt water. When seven
waves have passed over you, the cleansing
is over. You will know which photograph to use.